


I Surrender

by 1ScarredPixie



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Fluff, Heartache, Humor, Infidelity, Romance, Sexual Content, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2018-11-30 23:28:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11473905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1ScarredPixie/pseuds/1ScarredPixie
Summary: Regina Mills has it all, the perfect family, her own Michelin star restaurant and the absolute perfect fiancée who she is getting married to in a few short months. So why does she feel like there is still something missing? When a certain blonde literally comes running into her life, her world is turned on its head.Emma Swan is a photographer who is currently living with her girlfriend in the nice part of town, currently on a dangerous path that is getting out of control, can a chance encounter with a mystery brunette help get her life back on track?





	1. Meet cute

**Author's Note:**

> This is rated explicit for swearing, sexual content and detailed drug abuse.  
> A fic loosely based on imagine me and you, with the added true story of addiction, and when i say true story i mean its mine, Emmas's addiction is my own, i need to write my addiction story into it to help me heal, my addiction was the worse part of my life so please be gentle when concerning the drug abuse scenes, everything she feels, the highs, the comedowns, the feeling of needing it and the buzz that comes with it to help with the depression she is experiencing is my depression, my addiction, my pain. I needed write my former addiction into the story, i needed write about my past cause as i said i feel it will help me heal and move on from that dark period of my life

Regina was tying up her laces as she heard a grumble next to her

"Go back to sleep darling, I'm just going for my morning run" Regina says as she places a kiss on the side of her fiancées head

"How you can get up this early is beyond me" her fiancee said as she glanced at the alarm clock...6:15am

"I need to keep in shape Fiona, and how else can i keep in shape when I have a restaurant to run hmm"

Fiona now turned over to face her gorgeous fiancée, grabbing her at the waist

"Come back to bed, ill give you a workout darling" Fiona winked at her before pulling Regina back down

"And face your tired wrath later? I think not" Regina giggled before wriggling out of Fiona's arms and placing a kiss on her lips "Now go back to sleep, ill see you later" 

With that Regina headed out the door before looking back at her now sleeping fiancée

She had everything she ever wanted, her own three star Michelin restaurant, a beautiful fiancée in Fiona, the perfect family...so why did it feel like there was still something missing

***

The buzz started to kick in after almost fading from the last hit, Emma was nearly bouncing off the walls again, she had been awake all night with her girlfriend having drug induced passionate sex, the sex was amazing when they were both high, everything was extra sensitive, her heart felt like it was bursting out of her chest, her feelings of love overwhelming her as she fucked her girlfriend with intensity, it was just a shame that they could not transfer that passion when they had sex sober

"I cant survive another round with you Swan, i actually have shit to do today so make me a line will you, I'm going to need it" her girlfriend said as she walked out of the bathroom finding a very hyper Emma, her first line of the day helped Lily cope better than coffee, besides the buzz was much better

"Way ahead of you baby, its waiting for you, i need go for a run, if your not willing to help me with my energy"

Lily took the straw and quickly sniffed up the white powder laid out for her on the coffee table

"Fuck that feels good" Lily says standing up shaking her arms from the building energy coursing through her system "Damn you look sexy in workout gear, so wish i didn't have to leave so early to go see my mother" Lily says as she grabs Emma's waist pulling her towards her for a heated kiss

"Me to baby, right its 10 past 6 baby and i need run ok, so much energy" Emma said as she bounced on her feet pulling away from her girlfriend, giving her a quick kiss before she headed towards the door

"I love you"

"You to baby" Emma replied

No matter how drug induced she was, saying the words i love you to Lily didn't feel right, she even said you to when Lily said it for the first time just under 2 years ago, all she could muster was just 'you to baby' her walls were so high, her past to painful, the last people she said i love you to was her parents right before they died so saying them now when the feelings were not overpowering was not fair to Lily, she did love her but it just didn't feel as strong as she thought she would, she thought it was just because her heart was incapable of feeling anything stronger, so she settled into the relationship built around comfort and addiction.

***

As Emma turned the corner on a vacant New York street, she did not expect to come clashing with someone else, but she did, and it made the other person fall completely on there ass

"Oh my god I'm so sorry, are you ok?" Emma said as she held out a hand to help the other woman up

The brunette woman was shell shocked, she pulled out her earphones and took the hand before her without looking up  
In that moment where there hands met, they both felt a jolt of electricity in the touch, like magic had just sparked a connection, a connection neither wanted to indulge in, but no doubt would pull them towards each other again like magnets, ignoring the feeling in both there hands, Emma quickly helped the other woman up before her green eyes met brown

Neither woman could truly describe the feelings they got when there eyes met, it was like a twinkle sparked in both of there eyes rendering them both speechless, everything around them stopped, there hearts were already racing from there run, but they were not slowing down, there breathing picked up the pace, there pupils dilated, everything about the other was intoxicating, they way they smelt which was a combination of cinnamon and apples, the way the sweat was glistening on each others skin like tiny diamonds, and there eyes, well it looked like it was not just Emma who was high, both glazed over and all they could see was each other, it was in that moment everything changed. Everything they were feeling could be described as love at first sight, but both would probably put it down to runners high 

"Are you ok?" Emma said finally breaking the silence

"Yes, I'm sorry i was not looking it was my fault" The brunette replied wiping down her legs out of nerves... _'Nerves? What the hell?'_ she thought to herself

"Im not the one who ended up on the floor, are you sure you're ok?" Emma replied quickly trying to distract herself from glancing down the woman's body

"Yes I'm fine" The brunette said before holding out her hand "I'm Regina" she didn't know why she felt the need to introduce herself but here she was introducing herself to a woman who just knocked her on her ass

Emma's words faltered before finally taking Regina's hand, both feeling that jolt of electricity once again as there hands touched

"Im Emma"


	2. An opportunity of a lifetime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After there worlds collide, an opportunity arises that will end up bringing them back together, how will both Emma and Regina react to seeing each other once again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes detailed drug scenes coming up, writing these scenes was hard, reliving the feelings i once felt made my body react, but i knew it would happen, i knew my healing process would start out this way, my story of addiction needs to be told though, thankfully i have a good friend helping me through, and the thought of my pregnant fiancée and our unborn son helps me remember its not worth going back to that dark period in my life

Regina's mind was everywhere, she could not focus a single second, every time she tried to focus, thoughts of the beautiful blonde raced through her head, the smell of cinnamon, the way those emerald green eyes sparkled, her smile, everything about her was nothing short of perfect but why was she so enamoured with a woman that she just met and knew she would probably never see again, they never exchanged numbers, they just said there goodbyes and left, which in Regina's mind was a good thing, she had Fiona, and Fiona was perfect...but why the lack of passion, are they not meant to be crazy in love, they were getting married and yet there was nothing, no excitement, no passion, no feelings of nerves, just nothing and thats what worried her the most

"Chef Mills, your phone is ringing" Her sous chef said as she entered the kitchen ready to set up with Regina snapping her out of her daydream

"Thanks Ruby" Regina says as she heads to grab her phone

After a few minutes all Ruby hears is a very pissed off Regina

"Are you kidding me? We are two months away from the wedding, and you back out now? How am i going to find an available photographer in that time?...My fiancée is going to be furious, you were highly recommended and this is how you repay my mother?...I don't want your apologies, enjoy your time in Boca..." Regina hangs up almost squeezing the life out of her phone "...Un-fucking-believable, Fiona is going to be livid, how can it mess up when we are so close..." Regina grunts in frustration, having put her phone down on the counter, she is leaning over it, applying a death grip on on the counter turning her knuckles white

"I hate to interrupt a pissed off Chef Mills, but i actually know an amazing photographer"

"You do?" Regina's head shot up at those words, a glimmer of hope dashed through her eyes

"Yeah, i was actually a model for one of her shoots, let me get the pictures up" Ruby quickly glances through her Facebook finding her photoshoot "She is not well known, in fact she has been trying find a break into the business, she has done many weddings and christenings, she photographs her friends band to, i just wish someone would notice how talented she is"

Regina scans over the photos, this photographer was indeed very talented, if this shoot was a glimpse into her work, she wanted to see the rest

"Can you call her? Id love to be able see more of her work, and if I'm as impressed as i am now, then she will be paid well"

"I doubt money will interest her Chef Mills, its the thought of finding a client as connected as you that will pull her in, this could be the break she needs"

"Indeed dear"

***

As the week went on Emma found that she could not stop thinking of the brunette she crashed into, she almost handed out her number but then remembered she was not single, those warm chocolate brown eyes invaded her thoughts daily, when she woke up that morning and decided against her usual hit, the comedown was hard, constantly sniffing, sweating like a bitch and my god did her head pound, and when the symptoms started to get worse so did her depressive state of mind, the feelings of worthlessness, sorrow...pain... _Nope definitely not! Fuck wheres my stash i need it_ Emma thought to herself as she checked the usual spots where she and Lily leave there addiction, the buzz she got always made her forget all the bad feelings, it made her more loving, cause a sober Swan was a depressed Swan, she may have her photography career not that it was going anywhere right now but still she had a life only few could dream of, but she only lives this life because her parents died and left her a fortune, losing her parents at such a young age messed her up, she may have been taken in by her best friend and her grandma but she still felt empty, her and Ruby lived the rebellious teenage years, the problem was though that while Ruby eventually decided to grow up and put that rebellious streak behind her, Emma never did grow out of it, drinking was her go to even after she met Lily it was only 5 months ago Lily introduced her to her current habit, and her life has spiralled even more out of control ever since her first line

Emma is bought out of her daze by the buzzing of her phone, as she grabs it, she places it between her face and shoulder as she sets up a line

"Hey Ruby, whats up? You're meant to be working"

"I am, but my god Swan, do i ever have the opportunity for you"

"Opportunity? Go on" Emma was intrigued as she finished scraping at the powder with her old bank card

"How would you like to be a frontrunner in being the photographer for my boss's wedding?"

"That Michelin chef? I thought you told me she had one already"

"They have let her down, jump at this chance Swan, this connection with someone like her could open up many more opportunities"

Emma thought about it for a bit before responding, she has been looking for the perfect person to help build her career, yes its another wedding but someone like her must be connected well, Ruby has told her of the many celebrities that have eaten at the restaurant which she works at, yes this was the perfect opportunity

"Alright, arrange a meeting with her, I'm free tomorrow afternoon"

"Ill talk to her, but that should be fine, she usually spends time with her fiancée before we open again at 6"

"Perfect, ill speak to you later ok Ruby"

As Emma hangs up, she finally takes the straw and sniffs up the line in one go, and on a rare occasion it makes her eyes water, the burning she feels in her nose as the powder makes its way into her system, the buzz she is about to feel, it makes Emma's once depressive thoughts seem like an old memory

This was perfect opportunity to build on her photography but little did Emma know that this opportunity would not only possibly lead her to a future, but to a slight chance at feeling all those loving feelings without the need of her addiction

***

Clutching at her portfolio, Emma felt the nerves starting to kick in, she regretted not staying clean today but she knew she had to make her best impression, and suffering a comedown was not the best one, Chef Mills was not only renowned for her cooking but her hard to please well nature, her hit was wearing off, the bouncing off the walls energy minutes after the hit would only let Ruby know that she had had yet another downfall, thankfully she took her last line two hours ago, all Ruby knew was that she was struggling, she knew she had downfalls, her wolf like senses told her so, she just thought she was having a hard time kicking her habit, she did not know it had gotten much worse

As Emma walked through the doors to the restaurant, her best friend greeted her with a hug

"Don't be nervous Em, she loved the pictures i showed her my photoshoot"

Emma was doing her best to not sniff from the runny nose she had, her twitches would also give her away, she could put them down to nerves with Chef Mills but not with Ruby so she clutched her portfolio tight while her other arm was draped around her best friend, she doesn't know how she managed make herself look representable, she just hoped Ruby's wolf like senses didn't kick in even though she knew they would

"Emma?..."Ruby's senses were tingling, she knew why, she did not want to be right but she knew Emma's nerves would get the better of her and she would lose the willpower "...no no no, please say you didn't"

"Please don't be upset, i got nervous, and besides I'd rather look somewhat together for this instead of looking like i have the flu"

"But indulging in your weakness doesn't exactly help you get over this 'flu'" Ruby said, air quoting flu because how else could she describe Emma's symptoms "I thought it was getting easier anyway"

"It was but my nerves got the better of me..." Emma lied, she knew she couldn't tell Ruby the truth, she wanted kick her habit but it was hard, when she tried it for the first time 5 months ago, she felt free, her depression was getting out of control and she did not want to remain on those antidepressants her doctor put her on, even though this habit made her depression worse, her mind loved making her think it was helping, that she needed more to curb her dark feelings, she spent a few days without it once, it was a nightmare, she thought her depression was worse without it, but in fact it was just suppressing it

"Look after your meeting with her today, promise me you will stop ok, any more times you see her, just fake flu ok, please, this opportunity needs you at your best and being on that does not help"

"I promise ill try, but i cant promise it wont be hard"

"I know, right lets get you to Chef Mills, her fiancée is running late but will be here shortly"

Ruby guided her through the restaurant towards an office in the back, Emmas's palms were sweaty, her head was spinning and her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest

"Chef Mills?" Ruby said as she opened the door slightly peaking in with Emma behind her out of sight

Regina was sitting on her couch as she saw Ruby peak her head round the door, a faint smell of cinnamon followed her which caused her to stutter

"...Oh Ruby, sorry do please come in" Regina said snapping out of her thoughts of the mysterious blonde she met a week prior

_That voice? It cant be?_ Emma thought to herself before she entered the room

Oh yes it can be

Once again green eyes met brown, in that moment they both realised the runners high they thought they felt after meeting the first time was definitely not the cause of how they felt around each other, the fact neither could get the other out of there head was definitely pointing towards love at first sight but it was such a stupid notion to think so they easily brushed it aside, such a thing was not possible and definitely stupid

"Emma?" Regina said breaking the silence, not thinking that saying this woman's name would give Ruby an inkling that they had met before

Ruby glanced between the both of them before responding to the weird situation she found herself in "Wait you two know each other?"

Emma was struggling to find words, how did this beautiful woman remember her name, the brunette had quite the effect on her, she was fine last week but she had just taken a line not half hour before, the buzz helped, but it had been 2 hours since her last hit and it was wearing off, her mouth went dry, her ears were ringing with the sound of the brunettes sultry voice and her voice? Well all of a sudden she felt like Ariel in the little mermaid

"We literally ran in to each other last week, i was on my morning run and we both turned a corner at the same time"

"Yeah, so your the famous Chef I've heard so much about" Emma says as she walks over to Regina holding out her hand, she suddenly found her voice at the mention of them running into each other, she knew Ruby would pick up on that, she knew Emma would only be up so early on a morning run after a drug fuelled night, unfortunately Ruby knew her all to well

Ruby bit back her tongue, she wanted to tear into her, to scream at her for giving in and going all night on her addiction, but she held back, as much as Emma deserved to be torn apart right now she was not ruining this opportunity for her best friend, she just hoped this opportunity would help her kick the habit

As Regina took Emma's hand, they felt that all to familiar jolt of electricity, Emma quickly retracted, remembering how she was meeting this woman because she was getting married, but they both felt the absence of each others hand, the absence left a tingling sensation, there hearts also felt it to but the appearance of Fiona quickly snapped them both out of there daze

"So is this the photographer darling?" Fiona said as she walked over to Regina placing a kiss on her cheek before turning to the blonde holding out her hand "Im Fiona, the lucky woman who gets to marry this beautiful Chef, and you are?"

"Emma Swan" Emma said as she shook Fiona's hand, she never expected Regina's fiancée to be a woman, this just made things worse, an unavailable gay woman, which Emma was herself, but because she was so enamoured with the brunette, she completely forgot about Lily, an unfamiliar feeling came over her, not the ones she felt with the brunette on the couch, no this was different... _Jealousy? No of course not, shake it off Swan_ Emma thought to herself as she finally remembered of the girlfriend she had at home, she released the dark haired woman's hand, this woman was flawless, no wonder Regina had chosen to be with someone like her, and that British accent was clearly irresistible, not that Emma was much for accents, just the way one carried there voice and Regina's voice sounded like sex... _Oh for god sake Swan, get a hold of yourself_

As Fiona sat down next to Regina, those pangs of guilt rushed through the brunette as Fiona's hand rested on her thigh, she felt guilty for being so attracted to the blonde before her, but she felt so drawn towards her, like magnets working behind the scenes, for the first time in her life she was scared, scared of developing feelings for someone she was about to hire for her wedding, she wanted to send the blonde on her way but she was just so talented and finding another available photographer in such little time would be impossible, and Fiona would kill her for sending away an amazing photographer, no she just had to brush off these feelings, and maybe avoid spending any time alone with the blonde, she could not act on these feelings, no that would be wrong, though the thought of the blondes lips on hers felt right though _No, don't even go there...pull yourself together Mills, its cheating, a horrible betrayal of trust, your better than this_ Regina thought to herself, this blonde was trouble, she just knew it


	3. Pools of darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More about Emma's depression in this, Dark Swan makes an appearance in a very unique way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Some people struggle not to be drawn into the darkness. But ever since I was a little girl, I've said, 'Why not splash in and have fun!'" Cruella in OUAT
> 
> That qoute from Cruella inspired me, in my story Emma's darkness is vastly different to Cruella's obviously, Emma's darkness is to hurt herself not others, but it still inspired me, this will be the first chapter of many where you will be reading my poetry, i wrote it specifically for this story just like others i have written for this, but they all are heavily inspired by my experiences, i write poetry cause it helps me channel my emotions just like the band i mention in this chapter to so i hope you enjoy this. 
> 
> Trigger warnings for depression and seeing a dark side to Emma

Emma did as she promised, she slowly cut down her drug use, it had been three days since her last hit and it was killing her, constantly sniffing, sweating and the aches? Well yes it could all be put down to the flu but the ache was in her arms, she never knew why that whenever she craved for her addiction her arms ached, like she had just done an intense workout, as she was curled up on her sofa feeling like shit she felt her phone vibrate, a text from Ruby

_Ill be at yours in 20 minutes ok_

It had been a week since she got offered the job of being Regina's and Fiona's photographer, a week since Ruby laid into her about that morning run, once Emma left the restaurant and got back to her place, Ruby rang her and basically tore her to pieces, and made Emma promise to kick this habit, she even messaged Lily on how this opportunity needed Emma at her best and the habit needed to be kicked as this chance could be a door to more opportunities, Lily agreed already feeling guilty for getting Emma addicted in the first place, she knew they both needed to kick it, but it was to hard for her, so while Emma was attempting to get off of it, Lily stayed at a friends, she wanted do right by her but when it came to herself she was just to self destructing

The twenty minutes must have flown by because what Emma heard next was knocking at her door, she managed to pick herself up to answer the door to her best friend, what Emma did not expect was the guest that Ruby bought with her

"Hey Ruby...." Emma said before glancing behind her noticing a very familiar brunette that made her feel weak at the knees "...Oh hey Regina" Emma was confused as to why she was here and not spending time with her fiancée

"Hope you don't mind she came along, i told her you had the flu, so she wanted to bring you her chicken soup to help you feel better"

"Oh...not at all, come in, sorry my flu has kept me from keeping the place at its best"

Regina and Ruby both walked in, even though Emma said it was a mess, it was actually quite clean, and definitely big, Regina never expected it to be so nice, and for her to be living in such a nice part of the city, but that would be assuming things and that was unfortunately one of Regina's habits

Regina handed her the Tupperware of chicken soup to Emma, as she went to sit down next to Ruby, she took in Emma's apartment, it was gorgeous, and very modern, she never usually liked modernised homes being she preferred her traditional white picket fence home, but this one was so Emma, and it was because of that she liked it a lot

"Would you guys like a drink?" Emma said from the kitchen

"Just water thank you" Regina replied

"You know what i have Em" Ruby said garnering a glance from Regina

"She makes the best smoothies, you should try her signature..." Ruby turns to shout towards the kitchen "...Em forget her water, make her the Swan special"

"Swan special?"

"You will see, it tastes amazing"

Emma comes put with two glasses of her signature smoothie before returning back to the kitchen to collect her soup, as she makes her way back to the sofa, she see's how Regina's eyes light up from the taste of the smoothie, the way her eyes sparkled made Emma's heart skip, those chocolate brown eyes when they caught her green eyes staring tore right into her soul, she could not describe how looking into Regina's eyes made her feel, but they made her think of home

"Wow, this is amazing, are there apples in this?"

"Yeah, apples and cinnamon are my favourite combination, they compliment each other perfectly, a mixture of sweet and spice just like me"

Ruby burst out laughing almost choking on her smoothie

"Something funny Lucas?"

"Yeah, sweet my ass Swan!"

Regina just chuckled to herself, as Emma raised an eyebrow at her, Regina bit down on her bottom lip in an attempt to stop her laughing, this just made it worse for Emma, it turned her insides to mush, the way she was trying not to smile just made her heart beat harder, Regina failed and shot her the most beautiful smile she had ever seen, it was a smile that would stand out the most to her in a sea of people, and the sound of her laugh was like listening to an angel, the most beautiful sound she had ever heard was when she laughed

Emma quickly distracted herself by tucking into her soup, her drug habit made her eat less, she was living on ramen noodles and bear claws, Ruby however made her eat proper food this week which was Ruby's famous Montreal style smoked meat sandwiches, but only cause Ruby knew Emma adored those sandwiches, its the only thing Ruby could get her to eat without complaining, but she knew Emma would not be rude, she would try Regina's soup at least, she was just hoping that Regina's amazing cooking may help her want to eat properly

"Holy shit, this soup is amazing"

"Language Em, you see my point boss, the word sweet does not fall into the category of one Emma Swan"

"Im the sweetest thing you ever tasted Lucas..." A classic Emma Swan move, saying what she thinks before thinking it through

"Swan! Really?" Ruby's cheeks turned a shade of red, there one night stand all those years ago proved that they were better off friends, that night was the night that Ruby realised she liked women as well as men but not Emma in that way, a drunken dare that they followed through with lead to a very awkward talk the next morning, both deciding how wrong it was and how it could never happen again, they loved each other but never in that way

Regina sat there shocked but unable to maintain her laughter at Ruby's embarrassment

"Thanks boss, makes me feel better knowing you are laughing at my expense"

"Im sorry Ruby, i just have not laughed like that in such a long time" Regina says wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes, she did not know how else to respond, she felt a pang of jealousy as soon as those words left Emma's mouth, and also a feeling of fear, this Emma slept with women, she knew that much, was it a one time thing with Ruby or the more long term... _Why are you even thinking this Mills?_

"Clearly Chef Mills did not know"

"She is my boss Emma, you expect me tell her all about my sex life over cooking for countless celebrities"

"That's a conversation id like to hear.... Ruby and her many dalliances with cute bookish type girls and bad boys...maybe we should tell her about Belle?"

"Its barely been three dates Swan, its not serious like both of yours relationships"

Regina glanced over towards Emma, trying not to portray her disappointment at the thought of Emma being taken, not that it should matter, she had a fiancée who loved her dearly, no this was not jealousy this was just...she didn't know what it was, but it definitely was not jealousy in her mind

"Yeah, well me and Lily are not doing great at the moment, and thats all I'm saying on that subject"

Besides the obvious addiction, her and Lily never really had a lot in common, but they stayed with each other out of necessity, both were to afraid of being alone, they loved each other they knew that, but it was not as strong as it should be, they were more like fuck buddies than actual girlfriends

Regina groaned inwardly, Ruby was clearly not a one time thing... _That should not matter Regina, you're engaged for fuck sake_

"So Regina, how long have you and Fiona been together?" Emma asked as she was in need of a subject change

"6 years, engaged for 2"

"How did you both meet?"

"She is a health inspector, i was a sous chef for Mal Page back when we first met, Mal was out, and i was setting up for the lunch hour, Fiona had just moved here from London, her British accent was a lot stronger back then, i was so taken with her voice, the accent to me is endearing, i could not keep my eyes away while she was doing her usual checks, she noticed this, and well we kind of ended up having sex in Mal's office"

"Chef Mills you cad! I never expected that from you" Ruby gasped

"Well, i usually am a private person, but you have become a close friend Ruby, and Emma...i..." Regina did not know what to say, why did she all of a sudden reveal something she deemed private, Ruby had become a close friend, it was rare that she even considered someone to be a close friend, but Ruby was a great listener and had always gave her space when she needed it...but Emma? Why reveal something like this to someone she had only recently met, what was this connection that was brewing between them, why did she feel like she could never lie to Emma, like if she tried she would know instantly and press for the truth

"I felt the connection to Regina" Emma interrupted Regina's thoughts, the brunette could sense there was something behind what the blonde said, could she be implying of the same connection Regina felt to, the almost instant attraction she felt as soon as she laid eyes on the blonde, she tried to shake off the feeling but Emma's gaze spoke volumes, this connection was not going to go away as easily as Regina first thought, she just had to learn to control the situation as best as she could

"Connection?" Ruby said quickly breaking Regina and Emma's gaze and the brunettes thoughts

"Yeah, like we were meant to be friends Rubes" Emma said lying quickly gathering her wits, they had only met three times and this tension between her and Regina was escalating at a fast pace, Emma knew she needed to get a handle of the situation and snuff out the fire that could burn beyond control, she could already feel the urge to do something about the ever growing tension between them bubbling at the surface, it took all of her willpower to not lunge at the woman sitting near her

"Oh, well this friendship could prove fruitful for you Em, not just professionally, i mean i know I'm awesome and all but handling you on my own is exhausting" Ruby laughed

"Ha ha very funny Ruby, besides two chefs for friends benefits me greatly"

"If you love her soup, you should try her other food, I'm learning from the best"

"Do you have a favourite dish to cook Regina?"

"Oh thats an easy one... Lasagna, but i rarely get to cook it, its not on my menu and Fiona prefers my other dishes"

"Well id love to try your lasagna one time, maybe i should visit your restaurant to, i hear great things from Ruby"

"Or i could cook you both dinner sometime? Fiona is at a conference till Sunday, and well I haven't invited friends over for dinner in a long time" this was true, the last time Regina had friends over for dinner was just before she got the job with Mal, life got in the way since then, but she did miss Kathryn and Zelena immensely, they still kept in contact but work kept all of them busy

"Id love that Regina, good thing the restaurant is only open on weekdays, can arrange this for Saturday, what ya say Ems?"

Emma was taken aback, she knew Ruby would want her to get out and make more friends, but why could Ruby not sense the tension between her and Regina, she was supposed to have these amazing senses yet she seemed so oblivious, and Regina? Surely she could feel it to so why invite her as well? Unfortunately for Emma the thought of free food was to good to pass up

"Sure, id love to"

***

Ruby had made her way to Emma's very quickly on Friday, when Regina had told her she sensed something was wrong, she basically hightailed it out of the restaurant, Regina already had plans that day with Mal, Ruby knew what could possibly be wrong with Emma, she had those days where it was hard to fight the craving, she just did not expect to find the side of Emma she had not seen in a long time

"Emma?" Ruby said peaking through the door that she found unlocked, as she walked into the apartment, the place was spotless, so clean you could eat off of the floor, a sign that Emma was having a down day, she couldn't see the blonde anywhere so she ventured into the bedroom to find Emma sitting in the corner of the room, with her knees held up to her chest and her chin resting on them as she stared into space, the look in Emma's eyes was one Ruby had not seen for a long time, lack of emotion, and a hint of a sadistic gleam dancing on the cusp of breaking into full blown darkness "Emma?"

Emma did not look up, she just laughed, a vindictive, sadistic twisted laugh that bought a chill through Ruby's body, the dark side was rearing its head again, it had been so long since this side of Emma had shown its face again

"Emma's not here, Ive come out to play now, so come on Ruby lets play" Emma says as she stands up, looking through Ruby as if she was not there, this side of Emma which Ruby called the dark swan was a scary ass version of her best friend, though she could never hurt anyone this side of Emma had a desire to hurt the real Emma, Ruby believed that Emma created this second personality as a way to hurt herself without letting others think it was actually Emma wanting to do those things to herself

"Go fuck yourself, i want Emma"

"Oh but Emma is so weak, why would you want her, she is worthless and under my control, she will give in to me, she will go back to her white knight, you just need to give up, she is not worthy of love, she needs her white knight"

 _Her white knight?_ Ruby thought, she was confused, but then it clicked, the word white gave it away, she was craving her addiction and showing the dark swan side was a way to get her own way without feeling like she was breaking her promise to Ruby

Ruby did the only thing she knew would help, she pinned Emma against the wall while she scrolled through Spotify on her phone finding the one band that helped Emma to channel her dark side and help snap her out of it, though she never understood why, the band was dark and the words of there songs were twisted but they calmed Emma for some unknown reason

_'Come inside and be afraid_   
_Of this impressive mess I've made_   
_If you take a look now you will find_   
_I have thrown away my vice_   
_Done away with paradise_   
_See what's going on inside my mind_   
_Please let me out_   
_Please let me out_   
_Please let me'_

The song filled the room, Disturbed was Emma's go to band, as twisted and dark as the words were they helped her, it was therapeutic, the words echoed through her mind as the song went on, slowly bringing her out of the mindset she was in, Ruby could see this and released her from the wall, the light was starting to return to Emma's eyes but the darkness was still there, Emma punched the sides of her head with both fists as she fell to the floor screaming "Get the fuck out of my head dammit" the voice that spoke to her was still loud, but as the song went on it was reduced to a whisper, Ruby hated seeing Emma this way but she knew she had to let her go through it to bring the Emma she loved back, to bring back the best friend that she needed and could never lose

When Emma stopped, she looked up with tears in her eyes, Ruby helped her up and guided her to the bed, it was not long until Emma was fast asleep clearly exhausted mentally, Ruby lay next to her before noticing the journal on Emma's bedside table, it was open, noticing certain words she saw it was Emma's other way of channeling her feelings, this side of Emma could only be tapped into when she felt her darkest feelings and it was heartbreaking for Ruby to read

_I splashed in the pools of darkness, i bathed in her beauty, the light called to me but the waves of darkness washed over me completely, she turned me into her willing victim, a pawn in her fucked up version of chess, she is my seductress, a temptation to great to ignore, she speaks to me in the night, she adores my white knight, to maintain her power over me, the darkness is my mistress and i am her bitch_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do check out the band disturbed! There dark, twisted amd awesome! So they appeal to my dark weird mind immensely!
> 
> The song of disturbed that i quote in this is called perfect insanity
> 
> And yes Emma's 'second personality' i did not just come up with on a whim, i never had a friend like ruby to help me snap out of it though, i only had disturbed back then, when i felt that voice in my head i turned on disturbed immediatly, my poetry came about only recently it is a new way to help channel my emotions and yes just like emma i have to tap into certain feelings to write it, but luckily ive developed a switch button so i can switch back to a good state of mind easily, hope you enjoy my poetry, this is the first time its going to be open to the public and making Dark Swan appear as a second personality i thought was a fun idea, she just different, she speaks using the words i spoke when i went into that state of mind so please be gentle it was hard for me to write this


	4. Temptations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings + wine = Temptations and lack of inhibitions

Emma woke up the next morning, her head was pounding, as memories flooded in from the day before, she realised she must have slept since Ruby showed up, she looked towards her bedside table for her phone to find it on top of her journal, the last she remembered her phone was in the kitchen, which meant Ruby had moved it and possibly read the poem Emma wrote _fuck!_  Emma thought to herself, she let her best friend see the side of her she has not shown in a long time, she thought she had a handle on her fucked up Dark Swan persona, she knew it was her mind messing with her from the lack of drugs in her system, but she fought back the urge to indulge, she needed find something else to focus on, she needed to kick the habit, but most of all she needed to not lose her best friend, Ruby meant everything to her, and Lily? Well she missed her, for there relationship to work they needed to learn to focus on each other instead of the drug, but at the same time she felt torn, she wanted to work out these problems with Lily, but her heart was calling for someone else, she wanted someone else no matter how much she tried fight it, she just had to learn control it, Lily was her happy ending, she bought her thoughts to her girlfriend, repeating her name in her to let it sink in

_Lily is your girlfriend Swan, Lily is who you want to be with, not her...her...god how i want her..._ Emma's thoughts immediately went elsewhere, her desire was building in her stomach, the thoughts of pinning Regina against a wall, her fingers deep inside her, she craved for the touch of the brunettes lips against her own, Emma touched herself to the thought of Regina the guttural moans leaving the brunettes beautiful lips, oh how she craved for the taste of her kiss, the feel of her skin against hers, the burning desire she wished to indulge in was growing, as was her climax, the brunettes smile invaded her thoughts, god how she loved that beautiful smile, it lit up a room, but it was the thought of Regina coming undone in her arms that sent her over the edge, oh how sweet this edge was, she had never come so hard in her life, and as she rode out her orgasm the sweetest of words was screamed from her lips

"REGINA!!!"

***

Ruby picked up Emma and headed straight to Regina's, there was an awkward silence for the first few minutes as they got in the car, they had not spoken of what happened the day before since Ruby showed her self out not long after Emma fell asleep, she did not know what to say to her best friend, it hurt her to see Emma the way she was and to read her poetry to see what was going on inside that mind scared her, Ruby knew Emma's depression had its moments being similar to a rollercoaster, but it was a long time since she saw her Dark Swan side, she just hoped making another friend would help her

"Ruby...yesterday...i..."

"Don't you dare apologise Emma, i know she comes out when you're at your lowest and think it can help you get your way but she was created at a time when you felt the most alone, i was so wrapped up with Killian i did not notice you and i feel awful every single day for not being the friend i should have been"

"He was a fucking asshole Ruby, he wanted you for himself, he alienated you from everyone you loved, so don't feel bad ok, you had your own shit to deal with, but know this, if i see him again i will leave just as many scars on him as he left on you"

The unspoken subject that has not been talked about since Ruby found the courage to leave the abusive relationship, thankfully Killian was serving time for his actions, and he was not allowed anywhere near Ruby once he gets released, but Ruby didn't care, she knew Emma would not let him anywhere near her, and since then she has made new friends, Mulan was a martial arts instructor and Graham was a cop so she felt safe knowing she had them as friends, and of course she had Belle but god help anyone who tried hurt Ruby in front of Emma

"I know Emma, i don't know how id live without you, so please i know its hard, but when you feel low just call me ok, i want to help you through this, you're my best friend and dammit i love you for fuck sake"

Emma smiled, but it broke her heart to see how much her actions were effecting her best friend, she did not deserve Ruby she knew that, but Ruby was not going anywhere she was to fucking stubborn, and god only knows why but Ruby loved her like she was family, they may have had that one night stand but Ruby was like a sister now, and being without her was just not possible for Emma

"Holy shit!" Emma and Ruby said in unison as they pulled up outside a beautiful home, the house everyone dreams of, it was your typical white picket fence in a beautiful quiet suburban area not to far from the city, but still one hell of a run _Damn Regina must be fucking wonder woman_ Emma thought, but it was massive compared to some they have seen only in real estate agents windows, it was more like a mansion, something they expected from a Michelin star chef but still they sat there in awe

As they made there way up the pathway, Emma was starting to feel nervous, she managed to have a tight grip on the wine she bought with her, she imagined Regina to be a wine person, she always preferred beers but this was dinner with friends rather than hanging out eating takeout and getting absolutely pissed out of there faces, so wine was the go to, she liked wine, she grew up watching her parents run a winery and vineyard, she still visits there, her dads friend August took over when they passed, she just does not visit often, the memories to painful for her, but this night deserved the best wine and no wine was better than the one created at Charming Valley Vineyard and Winery

As Regina opened the door to them, Emma was awestruck, she looked like a vision, she was wearing a blue dress with a zip slit up one of the legs _oh wow those legs...wrapped around my...don't go there Swan!_ she was so taken by how beautiful and hot she looked she had to clamp her thighs together from the heat that formed there

"Wow Chef Mills, i feel insanely under dressed, you look amazing!" Ruby said whilst trying to also place Emma's jaw back up to her mouth, Emma was quite surprised she did not drop the bottle of wine in her hand

Regina blushed as she smiled, taking in both of there outfits, Ruby was dressed in dark skinnies, a red blouse and black leather jacket topped with a black trilby hat and then there was Emma, who was sporting black skinnies with black boots, and a v neck dark grey skin tight top, and so skin tight she can see the definition of Emma's abs through it and that just did things to Regina's stomach

When Regina finally composed herself, she let the two women enter, guiding them to the living room, she couldn't help herself to take in the beautiful blondes ass walking in front of her, she had to snap her eyes back into place hoping Emma did not notice when the blonde turned around handing her a bottle of wine

"This is from Charming valley vineyard? Wow there not cheap, you have exquisite taste dear"

"That i do" Emma replies while guiding her eyes up from the floor slowly to gaze at the beautiful brunette before her, when there eyes met they both felt like it was only just them in the room until Ruby interrupted

"Ha, it was her parents taste that was exquisite, your going to be tasting there success right in that bottle, Emma's taste is not as refined"

"Your parents own that vineyard?"

"Owned being the best word to describe it, they...um..." Tears started to form in the blondes eyes, Regina noticed this and quickly rerouted the subject

"Its ok Emma, you don't need to tell me, lets get this wine in some glasses shall we?" Regina said as she placed a hand on the blondes bicep, immediately loving the feel of strong arms in her hands

The tingle Emma felt when Regina touched her sent shockwaves through her system, she immediately missed the contact when Regina came to her senses and went to fetch wine glasses from the kitchen, and the sound of her name being spoken on such beautiful red lips was enough to send Emma's mind crazy with inappropriate thoughts

Emma sat down besides Ruby on the sofa, the black and white interior of the living room was almost regal, which for some reason suited Regina perfectly, Emma was broken by her thoughts by the reappearance of the brunette with three wine glasses, as she poured the wine, Regina swore she could see Emma admiring her as she bent over the coffee table, she tried her best to ignore the glances she was getting, but she subconsciously played into as she handed Emma her glass, letting there fingers graze each others before she finally realised what she was doing and quickly retracted as Emma took the glass

"You have a gorgeous home boss, I'm so jealous" Ruby interrupts breaking the silence

"Thanks, i fell in love as soon as i saw it, as soon as i added my personal touch it felt perfect"

"Well it's definitely you Regina, the place is beautiful" Emma says before realising how that could sound, she goes to correct herself but she knows she would mess up the words and how that would look to Ruby, Ruby was to focused on her wine to notice what Emma said but Regina definitely caught it and it made her heart skip a beat

***

After dinner which Emma and Ruby had fallen in love with, red pepper flakes truly was the best kick added to Lasagna, they retired back to the living room, swapping stories, laughing and just generally enjoying each others company, the wine that Emma bought had already disappeared and they were now enjoying the wine Regina had bought for the evening, they were all starting to feel tipsy, Regina felt brave enough to sit in between Emma and Ruby now, feeling completely relaxed, hearing Emma laugh was intoxicating for Regina, she could not get enough of it

When they found themselves alone after Ruby answered a call from Belle and went outside, both Emma and Regina felt more at ease with each other than when they were sober, the nerves disappeared and they were soon losing there inhibitions, they were facing towards each other, Emma's arm was draped across the back of the sofa, they were so close you could mistake this for a date

"So tell me Miss Swan, have you always enjoyed photography?" Regina did not mean to make that sound as sexy as it did, but when she called Emma Miss Swan, the blonde lost all feeling in her legs

"Miss Swan? So formal Regina, but i like the sound of it, makes me sound professional"

"Oh you like that do you, and what else do you like Miss Swan?" Regina was playing with fire by putting emphasis on the name and dropping her voice an octave lower to make it husky and deep but the alcohol sucked all her morals out of her at that point

"Depends on what you're asking Regina? Are you sure you're asking me what or who?" Emma was feeling brave, she knew she shouldn't have played back into that sort of question but clearly the alcohol had gone to her head a lot quicker than she thought

Regina just stared at Emma, biting down on her bottom lip as she glanced between green eyes and pink luscious lips that she found completely desirable, Emma noticed this and instinctively leant in not expecting for Regina to also lean in, they could feel each others breath on there skin, everything in there heads were screaming to pull back, to not give in to weakness, but for some reason there hearts were the ones pulling them in like magnets, there lips were mere inches apart when they heard the front door springing them apart, there eyes both possessed a mix of lust and fear, fear of what could have just happened if Ruby did not have impeccable timing

"Belle is picking us up in ten minutes Emma, is it ok if i leave my car here boss, i cant drive in this state" Ruby said walking back in not realising what she just interrupted and when both Emma and Regina were sober tomorrow they would be extremely thankful

"Sure thats fine..." Regina looked at the clock, she did not realise how late it had gotten, she was enjoying the company and when it was just her and Emma well she was enjoying it a lot more than she was willing to admit "...oh wow its late, i had such a good time i never noticed, we should do this again sometime"

"Id like that Regina" Emma said smiling, even though she was smiling she was cursing herself on the inside, they had almost kissed, they were both taken yet they almost gave in to there developing feelings and kissed so why say you would like that when its probably a good idea not to? Especially after this mornings antics at home? Clearly she was an idiot

And so was Regina, she knew she should stay away but the magnet that was pulling them together was a force to be reckoned with, and god did she need to get a handle on this situation and fast!


	5. Guilty conscience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will happen when Emma and Regina run into each other for the first time since that almost kiss?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for being a while in updating, my muse was a stubborn pain in the ass, and i was going through some personal stuff, i still am but hey my muse decided to cooperate so here is chapter 5

It had been a week since that night, Emma and Regina had not spoken or seen each other since, they both tried to actively avoid each other, but destiny was a bitch and clearly had other things in mind when it decided to have them run into each other once again

"Fuck!" Emma said as she crashed into Regina turning a corner once again, this time she fell to the ground, Emma never believed in coincidences until she looked up and stared it right in the face and those beautiful dark brown eyes

"Emma?..." Regina's heart skipped at the sight of the blonde, her brain short circuited and she couldn't muster up anything for what seemed like a lifetime, until she finally came to and offered out her hand to help Emma up both feeling that all to familiar buzz when there hands met "...oh god are you alright?" Regina said as she noticed Emma wince in pain at the contact

"Ow Jesus fuck" Emma said as she winced in pain

"Shit, are you ok?"

"Its fine, just a graze..." Emma said not noticing how Regina had not let go of her hand, as she was now inspecting it

"Emma, you're bleeding"

"Its fine really..." Emma said as she takes back her hand and proceeds to brush down herself with it "...fuck, maybe not"

"We need get a first aid kit"

"There is one at mine" _Sweet Jesus Swan don't take her back to yours alone_

Regina stuttered, her heart skipped, she did not know how to reply, she knew she should not go back to the blondes, but she could not leave her to attempt bandage her own hand one handed

"Lead the way"

"Erm..." Emma stuttered, before quickly guiding her to her home, it was a quiet walk back, neither woman not knowing what to say, neither wanting to bring up what had almost happened the week prior, but the silence was to much for Emma as they turned a corner onto her street

"So how's wedding preparations going?"

"Good thank you, everything is almost virtually ready for the big day" Regina replied cooly

"You nervous?"

"A little bit, its getting so close now, just want it to be over with"

"Planning a wedding must be stressful"

"Yes, very much so...do you plan on marrying someday?"

"Id like to, but my girlfriend is not one for marriage, she is like why confirm what we have on a piece pf paper"

"Does she know how you feel though?"

"We never really talked about it, all i know is that she does not want marriage or kids"

"And you want children?"

"Id love to have a kid, I'm not ready for that now, but one day yeah"

"Makes things a bit complicated for you though, with your girlfriend being against that don't you think?"

"Oh yeah, you could say that"

They fell silent once more as they approached Emma's apartment, the blonde fumbled with her keys before finally entering the building, they walked in silence again to the 3rd floor and finding Emma's apartment, as soon as they walked inside, Emma offered Regina to sit whilst she went retrieve the first aid kit from her bathroom

"Here you go" Emma says handing the kit to the most beautiful woman she had ever laid eyes on, as Emma sat down next to her, Regina sorted through the kit to find what she needed

"We need clean up the wound first, ill get a glass of water"

Emma just nodded, her eyes followed the brunette across the room as Regina went to fill a glass in the kitchen, she leant further just to peak at the beautiful ass as Regina reached up to get a glass from her cupboard, Emma bit her bottom lip as she appreciated the view

Regina turned round prompting Emma to resume her normal position, but the brunette caught the look she was getting, and smiled slightly as she headed back to blonde on the couch

"This may sting a bit Emma"

Emma just nodded as she watched Regina clean up her hand, she was to focused on the woman before her to notice the pain, she was so enamoured with the brunette, all she wanted do was to feel those lips against hers

"Im sorry about earlier, I didn't mean to pry when it comes to your love life" Regina says snapping Emma out of her staring

"Hey don't worry about it, I've never talked to someone else about that before, it was nice"

"Not even Ruby?" Regina said as she looked up to look into those beautiful green eyes, god how they sparkled, the blondes stare tore right into her soul

"No, Ruby is not Lily's biggest fan anyway"

Regina just continued stating at Emma before finishing up cleaning the wound and proceeding to get the bandage, Emma immediately missed the contact of Regina holding her hand, the touch was electrifying and intoxicating

As Regina wrapped the blondes hand, she felt Emma staring at her, as she finished wrapping her hand, she looked up, she saw Emma had a slight smile on her face, she wished she could see that smile of hers again, she loved Emma's smile, it lit up an entire room, it was the most beautiful smile to her, Regina bit the inside of her lip as she looked between the blondes eyes and lips, her mind completely forgetting everything else, everything that should stop this from happening, the only thing present in both of there minds was the need to feel each others kiss, and this time there was no one to snap them back to reality

As there lips met, it was as if two souls who were destined for each other were coming together at last, everything felt like it fell into place, the world around them did not exist in that moment, all they could feel was each other, the kiss was slow and sweet yet passionate, it sent shockwaves through both of there stomachs, Emma forgot about her hand and placed it around the brunettes neck bringing her deeper into the kiss, not a few seconds later, she felt Regina's hand on her face, stroking it gently as the kiss intensified

"God Regina" Emma said forgetting herself in between kisses which ultimately bringing the brunette back to reality at the sound of someone who definitely was not her wife to be, she pulled back, looking at the blonde in shock

"No, no we didn't just do that" Regina said in a panic as she placed her hand to her lips remembering how the blonde tasted

"Shit" Was all Emma could muster to herself, she backed away from the brunette on the couch, unable to maintain eye contact with the woman before her

"I...i need to go..." Regina said standing up abruptly, Emma quickly followed, opening the door for her, still looking at the floor "...Im so sorry Emma" The brunette said making Emma's s head jump up

"No don't be sorry, i should be the one who is sorry Regina" Emma said prompting Regina to nod and head out of the door, as Emma closed the door, she rested her hands on it slightly banging it against the door

"Fuck fuck fuck! What are you doing to me Regina?" Emma said to herself not knowing that the brunette was the other side of the door, just staring at it with her hand resting on it, hearing what Emma just said

"And what are you doing to me Emma?" Regina whispered before leaving

***

Emma just laid on her couch all afternoon, she was trying to work through what had happened, as wrong as it was, to Emma it just felt so right, but the worse part was the lack of guilt she felt for cheating on Lily, she had kissed another woman, and not just any woman, it was Regina freaking Mills, her best friends boss, the woman who had just hired her to photograph her god damned wedding and yet all she wanted was to kiss the brunette again and not let go

Emma was brought out of her thoughts by someone knocking at the door, she wanted to hide away and not answer it but she needed a distraction and whoever it was could provide that

"Lily?" Emma said as she opened the door, shell shocked that her girlfriend had randomly showed up

"Hey, i wanted see how you were doing"

"Sure, why didn't you use your key?"

"I didn't want to come in unannounced" Lily said as she went over to the couch

Emma stuttered as she closed the door, looking over to where Lily now was, the memories flooding back of what happened earlier, there was the guilt that was non existent earlier, so she was human and felt bad emotions after all

"Its your place to" Emma said snapping herself out of her own thoughts before going to sit next down to her girlfriend

"Yh i know, and i know you need space, but i miss you Em"

Emma looked at her, she didn't know what to say, she felt so awful, she did not miss Lily like she should, the wrong person was in front of her but Regina was getting married, she knew she needed to start focusing on Lily to get Regina out of her head, and she knew she couldn't tell Lily what happened a few hours prior, that would break Lily completely and send her over the edge...no she would just have to force herself find feelings for her girlfriend again

"I miss you to"

"Ill still stay at Neals, due to the fact i cant give that stuff up yet and you need stay clean, but can we arrange something maybe one night a week for a few hours where its just us, without that stuff of course"

"Id love that"

Lily smiled before kissing Emma, something was different when she kissed the blonde, something not quite right, but Lily did not want say anything, she just wanted her and her girlfriend to be ok and work through there relationship

Emma felt absolutely nothing in the kiss, and she hated herself for it, when the kiss stopped they talked about how they would work on there relationship and arranged a night for just them once a week, once Lily left, Emma just found herself back lying on the couch, staring into space before she let her emotions spill out from the pure guilt she felt

***

When Regina arrived back home that afternoon she went straight to her office finding her liquor cabinet, she poured herself a glass of apple cider before crashing into her chair, placing on her hand on her head whilst sipping away

"Not strong enough" She said before returning to her cabinet retrieving the bottle of whiskey that she had hidden at the back, she poured herself a glass and downed it in one go before heading to her mirror, she looked at herself, her head was spinning, she couldn't stop thinking about the blonde, the kiss... _What have you done Regina?_ she thought to herself before running her hands through her hair, then to her neck as she stretched it, remembering how Emma's hand was once there bringing her deeper into there kiss

"No!..." She shouted before heading to her desk and placing both hands on it "...What have you done to me? Why are you making me feel these things?" Regina whispered to herself before finding the glass and the whiskey bottle again, this time pouring herself a generous helping and knocking it back like it was water

"Everything ok darling?"

Regina didn't even hear her fiancee come home, she looked at her and the guilt washed over her, she fought back the tears and composed herself before replying

"Sorry dear, its just been one of those days" Regina said, she could not bring herself to tell her soon to be wife the real reason why she was drinking, and it made her feel worse when Fiona came over and engulfed her in a huge embrace

"Its ok my darling, I'm here now"

Regina just gripped at her fiancee tightly, no matter how hard she wished it was Emma, she could not lose her, Fiona was perfect, she was her best friend as well as her lover, her mind was twisting and turning, the feelings of guilt were intense, she had to learn to refocus her affection back to her fiancee, but first there was a serious talk she needed to have with Emma, she couldn't let her go as a photographer, it was to close to the wedding so they would just have to be professional and avoid each other at all necessary costs


	6. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its been a long time since my last update, a lot of personal things going on with me, and to be honest, i still have a lot going on, but im not abandoning either of my fics, just may take me a bit longer than I expected, so yes abliet a shorter chapter but enjoy.

Regina had never felt so nervous for this moment so much in her life and all she was doing was going to talk to one Emma Swan, but this talk was needed, they had to remain professional, nothing further could happen.

"Hey Regina"

Regina's thoughts were disturbed by the beautiful blonde, she went to speak but nothing came out, so she just smiled and gestured her to sit.

"What can i get you two?" The waitress asked as Emma sat down.

"Just a coffee please, Regina?"

"Oh coffee please" Regina said, she was not only so taken with the blonde but was nursing one hell of a hangover, she had drunk every night this week but last night after her final shift before the weekend she cleared out her liquor cabinet, Fiona was away on business so luckily was not there to see Regina drink herself into a stupor.

"Why you wearing sunglasses?"

"Migraine" Regina replied quickly but Emma knew to well the reason why, but chose not to say anything.

"So"

"So Miss Swan, i wanted talk to you about what happened and what needs to happen from now on"

"Right, again Regina I'm sorry, it wont happen again"

"Indeed it wont, but I apologise to, it was not all you, but from now on we must remain professional, that was a slight hiccup in our business relationship but I'm sure we can move past it"

"Of course"

"So maybe we should try avoid contact as much as possible, and any time we are together, remain professional at all times, agreed?"

"Fine by me"

"And no one needs to know, it was a one time mistake"

"Oh definitely" Emma agreed even though to her it did not feel like a mistake, and neither did it feel like a mistake to Regina, but they both knew it was wrong, they were both taken, both committed to other people.

"Right now thats all settled, ill take my leave" Regina said before standing up, Emma just smiled at her and nodded, she watched the brunette as she left the coffee shop, how she walked, with such confidence and grace, almost like a Queen.

"My Queen"

***

Regina had just finished setting up for the evening, she could not wait for the night to be over so she could enjoy a relaxed weekend, she looked at the clock to see how long she would be able relax before they reopened, it was 4:30, a little time to relax while Ruby continued with her duties, she escaped to her office, looking for peace and quiet but the sound of her phone stopped that notion.

"Kathryn, well this is a surprise"

"I know, i know, busy life and all, you try being the CEO of a business corporation, how's the new photographer? Last time we spoke you were just about to have your first meeting with her..." Regina just sighed, no matter how many times she had hoped to not think about the blonde, something always came about that made her do the exact opposite "... uh oh, whats the matter, not up to your impeccably high standards?"

"No its not that, she is an amazing photographer"

"Then whats the problem, come on Regina, i can sense something is up over the phone, do you not like her?" _quite the opposite in fact_ Regina thought to herself"

"No, she is nice, I've just got a migraine thats all"

"Ok, whats her name hun? I was thinking of getting a photographer to do a photo shoot for me" Kathryn replied, she knew what was up, she knew Regina all to well.

"Emma Swan, do you need a number Kathryn, i have it right here"

"No thats just fine, google is an amazing thing..." Kathryn actually typed her name in Facebook and instantly found the woman she was looking for, based in New York, profession-photographer, and the kicker, 1 mutual friend, her best friend "...oh my Regina she is hot, and definitely your type, so thats the problem"

"You have not just found her picture through google Kathryn so what are you doing?"

"You will find Facebook is the perfect place to find photographers, oh my hun blondes have always been your thing... oh and gay to, oh dear Regina what have you gotten yourself into"

"I don't know what you are talking about, and get off her Facebook"

"Oh come now Regina, theres only one other person who knows you as well as i do, and she is currently in London, oh Zelena will be green with envy to know i found out before her"

"Found out what, theres nothing you have found out for god sake Kathryn" Regina said, getting completely frustrated with her best friend.

"So whats the deal? Massive crush? I mean Fiona is great and all, but she is just so dull, apart from the British accent, what else gets you going with her? You ever felt like just completely ravishing her like you clearly want to do with this Emma"

"I don't want to do no such thing Kathryn, i love Fiona, and I definitely do not have some high school crush on Emma"

"Oh whats this, a girlfriend? She is pretty, not quite you hun but pretty"

"For god sake Kathryn, who would think a child like you runs a multi million business"

"Ill have you know i have not run it into the ground yet, so spill the details Regina and stop trying to convince me otherwise, i see right through you"

Unfortunately Kathryn was right, she knew her all to well, Regina had always had a weakness for blondes, so it came a surprise to both Kathryn and Zelena when she got with Fiona, hell it even surprised her mother.

"Ugrh why do you know me so well Kathryn"

"Because we have been best friends since school, and I've seen you go all gaga for blondes ever since you hit puberty, come on Regina, i even knew you were gay before you did"

"Its just, i cant explain it, yes i have a thing for blondes but Emma is just so..."

"Beautiful, gorgeous, hell incredibly sexy, i know i don't bat for your team but one bat of her eyelids and even id be begging at her feet"

"There's something about her eyes, i just get so lost in them and her kiss..."

"Hold the fucking phone Regina! What?"

"Fuck! It was a mistake Kathryn i swear, it will not be happening again" Regina slapped her hand to her forehead for revealing such a silly mistake

"Well, colour me surprised, you cad Regina"

"What do i do Kathryn?"

"Oh thats all up to you hun, but if you are serious about marrying Fiona then you need get a handle on this fast, but the fact you have kissed Emma and I'm guessing questioning everything right now, then you need ask yourself, is marrying Fiona what you really want?"

"Of course i do, me and Emma have spoken and nothing will happen again, i just need figure out what's going on with me"

"You will hun and I'm here, i may act like a child half the time but I'm here Regina, and don't worry your secret is safe with me"

After saying there goodbyes, Regina sinks back into her chair, slightly relieved someone else knows, but also still scared, and boy is she petrified of the fact she can feel herself falling for one Emma Swan.

***

Emma was enjoying her evening with Lily, they had been out to where they had there first date, and spent the rest of the evening walking around the city, enjoying each others company, but something felt wrong to Emma, halfway down the street she forgot where she was approaching, Lily surprised her by pinning her against a nearby wall and started kissing her.

"Lily stop" Emma laughed sparking the interest of someone nearby.

Regina turned her head as she locked up for the evening to the sound of a certain blondes voice, to witness something she really now wishes she hadn't, another woman was pinning Emma against the wall, kissing her ferociously, when Lily sensed her watching, she turned her head.

"Enjoying the view sweetheart"

Emma turned her head to find a clearly hurt Regina staring back at her.

"Regina, shit, how unprofessional this looks I'm so sorry" Emma said as she pushed Lily off of her.

"Regina? Ohhhhh the chef, shit" Lily said as she wiped her mouth.

Regina just stood there unable to speak, trying to squash the feelings of jealousy down but she was not succeeding.

"It doesn't affect your job dear, just don't do it again on the wall of my restaurant" Regina said as she composed herself and walked straight past them.

"Sure thing" Emma just stared as Regina walked down the street to her car, Lily had her head turned at this point, laughing, she never noticed Regina looked back and her and Emma were staring at each other intently, Emma mouthed the words I'm sorry to Regina, the brunette held back her tears and just nodded before getting into her car and driving off.

She clenched at her wheel tightly, all thoughts going through her head, jealous of what she just witnessed and now believing it was done on purpose.

"Oh you have no idea what you have just done Miss Swan" Regina smirks to herself as she drove through the streets of New York.


	7. Challenge accepted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've taken forever i know, i apologise, its been a busy few months, relocated, and have been feeling quite lost which made me suffer from writers block, but i will finish this story and the other 2 I have going to

Regina was setting up for the lunch hour when Ruby made her way into the kitchen

 

"You ok there boss?"

 

Regina snapped her head up, her intense focus being broken by the appearance of her sous chef

 

"Ruby, you startled me"

 

"Sorry, you just look like you are about to scrub those pans to death"

 

Regina looked down to the pans she was washing and just dropped them in the skink before leaning over it

 

"Im fine, just stressed"

 

"Wedding preparations?"

 

 _Not exactly_ Regina thought but she went with it anyway

 

"Yes, so much to do with so little time left"

 

"You should learn how to relax boss, hey maybe you should join me and Emma this Saturday night, our friends band is playing at the local bar we frequent, i know it may not be your style..."

 

"Im not sure" Regina interrupted 

 

"Come on boss, i know its normally not your scene but I could use the company seeing as Emma will mainly be photographing them"

 

Regina mused at the idea, then a wicked idea came to mind which caused her to smirk

 

"Sure, why not, its been a while since I've let loose"

 

Ruby noticed the smirk Regina gave, confused as to what it meant but she shook it off and wrote down the address of the bar and gave it to her boss before heading to the back to get changed

 

Regina just held the piece of paper with the address, smirking wickedly 

 

"Time for payback, Miss Swan"

 

***

 

Emma was setting up her gear when Ruby appeared with a beer and cocktail, Emma immediately grabbed the beer and finished it in one

 

"Woah Em, you ok?"

 

"Yeah" Emma says as she fights that all to familiar feeling in her arms

 

"I call bullshit"

 

"Just having a craving moment Rubes, trying power through"

 

"Oh shit, sorry Em, when was the last time you indulged in your habit?"

 

"Ill admit i faltered once or twice after getting the job with Regina, but I've managed stay clean since, fuck knows how"

 

"Well thats good Em, hows dark swan"

 

"She appears a lot more often" Emma says as she begins to sweat, these moments being all to frequent

 

"You need a distraction Em..." Ruby said before noticing Emma was focused on something behind her, she turned to look behind her when she saw the object of Emmas focus

 

Regina walked through the bar, ignoring the wolf whistles as she searched for signs of Ruby and Emma, when she caught them, she smirked to herself when she noticed Emma was open mouthed and frozen in her spot

 

"Holy shit boss!" Ruby said breaking the silence

 

Regina was wearing skin tight dark blue jeans with leopard print boots and a black vest top that accentuated her cleavage perfectly, a black leather jacket, her hair curled instead of straight and her makeup dark and sultry

 

Emma’s throat had gone dry, she couldn't speak, her eyes raked over the gorgeous body of Regina's causing the brunette to smirk at the desired response she was getting

 

"Are you ok Miss Swan?" Regina said snapping the blonde back to the present

 

"I...wow" is all Emma could muster at the time, Regina just smirked and headed straight to the bar leaving Emma and Ruby gawking

 

"God damn if i was single and she wasn't my boss" Ruby said bringing them both out of dreamland

 

"Yeah"

 

Ruby noticed Emma still open mouthed and staring after Regina, she quickly snapped up her friends mouth and clicked her fingers in front of her face

 

"Earth to Emma, you are not single either"

 

"I know, but damn i can look right"

 

"Where are we looking?" Lily says before catching the sight that is distracting her girlfriend "Oh wow is that the chef?"

 

"Lily! Hey" Emma says snapping herself out of staring at Regina and pulls her girlfriend in for a hug, then noticing Regina walking back to them, faltering at the sight of Lily before regaining her composure and returning to the group

 

"I don't believe we have been properly introduced, Regina Mills" Regina says holding out her hand 

 

"Lily Page" Lily says, taking the hand of the chef

 

"Page?" Regina says, faltering at the mention of the last name

 

"Oh right, you must know my mother being a chef and all"

 

"Hold on, your mother is Mal Page? How the fuck did i not know that? Emma you never said anything" Ruby cuts in

 

"Ive never met her" Emma says like it shouldn't matter

 

"She never mentioned she had a daughter" Regina chimes in

 

"Doesn't surprise me, I'm not on my mothers good list, but i still see her now and then"

 

The group falls into an awkward silence before Emma pipes up saying how she needed go do her job, Lily found her other friends, the more interesting ones that supplied her habit, Regina played with her hands, feeling the grainy substance now gracing her skin, Ruby noticed this and the confused look on Regina's face

 

"You ok Regina?"

 

"I thought you said you needed the company Ruby, I didn't expect Lily to be here"

 

"Oh as you can see, Lily has already disappeared to the more interesting crowd" Ruby gestured towards the group of people Lily was with, all acting suspiciously before heading somewhere else 

 

"You really don't like her do you?" Regina asked as she saw the scowl on Ruby's face

 

"I have my reasons why" Ruby says glancing over at Emma, Regina confused at the sentiment

 

"Do you like Emma?"

 

"Oh god no, she is my best friend, yeah we had that one night but god it was wrong on so many levels, besides i have Belle" Ruby smiling at the last part

 

"Where is she?"

 

"Oh this is very much not her scene, she prefers to stay at home reading books"

 

Regina noticed how Ruby lit up when she spoke of Belle

 

"You seem quite smitten dear, id say you're falling"

 

"What?...no!...way to soon for that..." Ruby scrambled before fidgeting with her hands

 

"Of course" Regina says smiling to herself before the band occupies the stage promising to give everyone a good night before starting there set

 

***

 

When the band took a break in there set, Regina made her way to Emma who was glancing through the many pictures she took of the band

 

"Quite the pictures Miss Swan"

 

Emma jumped before composing herself

 

"Jesus Regina, warn a girl would ya"

 

Regina just found a flustered Emma amusing and not that she would admit it but extremely adorable 

 

"My apologies, i just came to see how you are"

 

"Oh, I'm good thanks" Emma said returning to her camera 

 

"You know when one engages in a conversation dear, they usually look at the person they are talking to"

 

"I'm sorry, I just...when you look like that...damn" Emma said stumbling through her words as she tries her hardest to look at the woman before her but even struggles looking into the brunettes eyes

 

Regina laughed and that made Emma’s heart skip a beat or ten, and then Emma looked up into Regina's eyes and she swore she saw lust within them

 

"What happened to being professional Regina?" Emma said bluntly, finding her confidence when she realised there was a challenging look dancing in the brunettes eyes

 

"I don't know what you're talking about dear" Regina said before glancing over the blondes shoulders seeing Lily talking to the band, causing Emma to follow her gaze, and then back, noticing the malice within her eyes, and suddenly realising why Regina was acting this way, she was jealous and clearly hurt from seeing Emma and Lily that night

 

"Oh I'm sure"

 

Just as Regina was about to make a comeback, the lead singer of the band came over and put his arms around Emma

 

"Hey Em, hows the photos looking?" 

 

"They need some editing, where are the rest of the guys?" 

 

"Graham is fawning over some chick called Ariel, real quiet but she definitely into some kinky shit, i can tell, and Jefferson is probably shining that weird collection of hats he has, besides fuck them Em, the more interesting band member is here"

 

He looked over to Regina finally, taking in her body and then licking his lips making Regina feel sick

 

"And who is this gorgeous specimen you're with Em?"

 

"Barking up the wrong tree Neal" 

 

"Ah come on, is every female you know gay?" 

 

"Pretty much, besides not only is Regina gay, but also very engaged and has more class than this whole club combined" 

 

"Yet she still graces us lowly peasants with her presence, my apologies your majesty" Neal says as he bows before Regina

 

Regina just smiles, it's amusing to her that this Neal finds himself charming when he is so the opposite 

 

"Neal, back to set" A husky Irish accent calls, prompting Neal to hug Emma and kiss Regina's hand before leaving

 

"Sorry about that, he thinks he is charming" 

 

"Yes, i think i got that" Regina says confused once more, feeling the familiar grainy substance on her hands as she did earlier with Lily

 

Emma says noticing the confusion quickly diverts the conversation before Regina starts asking questions

 

"So what are you doing here Regina?" 

 

"And mixing with lowly peasants?" 

 

"Come on, this is so not your scene Regina" 

 

"And what is my scene Miss Swan? Mixing with the rich and famous? Going to fancy dinners? Cause I clearly don't belong with people I find more interesting than a bunch of rich snobs who love talking about themselves and how rich they are" Regina says slightly annoyed at the presumption

 

"Regina I didn't..." 

 

"No dear, you seem to know me so well, please continue at assuming at what i like" 

 

"I'm sorry for assuming that, i truly am" 

 

Regina seeing the guilt in Emma's eyes instantly makes her feel bad

 

"It's alright Emma, thing is, i am a secret rock chick, i like things that people in the circle I have been part of before would find 'ghastly'" Regina says, emphasising a posh tone on the last word making Emma laugh, a sound Regina has come to love

 

They both look up at the same time, and feel the electricity buzzing between them, Regina is the first to break eye contact but Emma is quick to react to the tension 

 

"And am i what your circle would find 'ghastly'" Emma says moving closer to the brunette

 

Regina looks back into Emma's eyes to find a challenging look within them, she hates how this woman can read her so easily, she can feel her walls breaking as she looks into the beautiful emerald orbs she could easily get lost in, she notices how the light catches them making them sparkle, and then she catches the change in demeanour, Emma is softening, her breathing is becoming heavier, there lips are so close, and when she catches Emma glancing down at her lips she quickly steps back and puts on her ever so familiar mask

 

"I don't know what you're talking about Miss Swan" Regina says before walking back to where Ruby is

 

"I call bullshit your majesty" Emma says as she smirks to herself before she hears Neals voice prompting her to return to her camera

 


End file.
